Eulogy Information

Q:  Do I have to deliver a eulogy at my family member's funeral?
A:  A eulogy, if allowed at all, is not obligatory, but optional.  Families should not feel that they must one.

Q:  I think I would like to try it? 
A:  We are sensitive to the needs of families, but because of concerns about the misuse or misunderstanding of the eulogy, we try to curb their use at Mass and prefer that they be given elsewhere, like the vigil service at the wake in the funeral home at the grave site at the cemetery or even at the luncheon after the burial.

Q:  What if I am insistent that the eulogy be delivered at Mass?
A:  Cardinal Donlan has given his permission for each pastor to decide for himself about the delicate issue of whether eulogies may be delivered at Funeral Masses in his parish.

Q:  If I receive permission, are there guidelines that I may folfow?
A:  In the parishes of the Archdiocese of New York, these guidelines are followed:

• It will be given at the beginning before the opening prayer, to welcome the congregation and share with them some spiritual words about the faith of the departed
• One eulogy is adequate, the family is best advised to choose one representative to speak and not send up everybody.
• The eulogy should be brief rarely if ever more than three minutes, at times eulogies go so long, they overshadow the Mass.
• The eulogy must be prepared one-page text, written out, even for the most experienced speaker.  This helps if he or she is overtaken by grief; and it is useful to have the priest review it the night before the Mass to make suggestions on its appropriateness.  We hope you appreciate our insistence on this; they are often mine fields of uncertainty.
• The next point is essential:  the eulogy stresses the faith of the deceased.

Q:  It looks like I am able to abide by the wishes of Cardinal Dolan.  What must I do next?
A:  Secure permission from the pastor (not the funeral director) for a eulogy to be delivered at the beginning of the Funeral Mass.  Once approval is given, send a copy of your text in for review by Father the day before the funeral.

Q:  I find these guidelines are too limiting.  What are my options
A:  A family may wish to consider giving words of remembrance at the wake, grave site or repast afterwards or write them out for distribution.